When I think about regrets, I think of my best friend in high school, Luke. Not because of some sad tragedy, but because of a brief conversation we once had. We grew up in a small city in southern Wisconsin, meaning there wasn't much to do, so the weekends were always spent clamoring around just biding our time until we graduated and went to college.
This one particular weekend we were invited to the Wisconsin Dells by a mutual friend of ours. I think actually this friend wanted to get to know one of us better. We reluctantly agreed to go. The Wisconsin Dells is a tourist paradise. It has great attractions including the world's largest outdoor water park, go karting, canoeing, camping, 4 indoor water parks, and a myriad of shows. Any of these options would have been great. Instead where did we end up -- Ripley's Believe It or Not followed by an exciting time of exploring the souvenir shops. To add to the whole debacle of a situation, the our friend's mother drove us and brought along the little brother.
There we were. Two 17yr old guys in one of the funnest cities in Wisconsin, with a friend who really neither of us were interested in, her mother, and her little brother. Fun times. At the end of the day, it was decided that we would all go to Arby's for dinner before heading home. Luke and I were not hungry, so we decided to forgo the usual Big Montana sandwich. Instead we both decided to order a 44oz. chocolate shake. The rich chocolatey goodness combined with the creamy sweetness of the milk it is so good my mouth is watering just thinking about it.
We got about half way through our shakes, when Luke turns to me and says, "Do you have any regrets?" The nice guy that I was got a little suspicious at the question, so I asked, "What are you talking about?" I will never forget his reply. "You know regrets, like things you would like to take back. For instance if I had to do today over again, I would have never order such a large milk shake." Suddenly realizing that I was also getting sick of sucking such a think mass of ice cream through a tiny hole, I had to agree.
Years later, I now understand regrets in a whole new light. However, I don't think that a person should regret anything that he or she can change. If I say to someone I regret never having learned to play the guitar, that is not a real regret, because I could feasibly do something about that. If I smoke for 40 years and get throat cancer because of it, that is something that I should regret. Many people look at the circumstances of their lives and complain, then do nothing to change them.
We are all going to make choices in our lives that we regret. We will do our research, get the facts and feel confident in our decisions. Still some of those choices will turn out to be our deepest regrets. It is unavoidable. We should not let this keep us out of the game of life though. We should take each moment in stride making the best decision we see fit, living our lives to the fullest, and leaving nothing in reserve. I leave you with these words.
Make sure your decisions are well thought out and wise, put your entire being into everything you do especially your relationships, and don't worry about getting a milkshake that is too big. You will be remembered for the person you were not the regrets you had.
Thursday, September 2, 2010
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
the mundane
I was at work today and I realized that I am very underwhelmed with my job right now. I work for a county board of developmental disabilities. Yes, it is rewarding and stressful all at the same time. No, it honestly does not take a special person, only a willing one.
I have had a particularly difficult month this August. It seems that most of the people on my caseload have had some kind of serious problem that despite my musings that I can somehow prevent them, I cannot. I had trained and retrained staff, done a myriad of assessment, made countless phone calls, and have had what seems like an infinate amount of decision to make. All of this and I still have to admit that I am very underwhelmed.
I'm not even sure why I feel this way. I thought perhaps it is because I have mastered my current role and need a newer fresher challenge, but that is not it because each day I face something new. I even blamed some of the other staff a little, thinking that they lacked enthusiasm for their jobs and it rubbed of on me and made me apathetic.
I think the real reason I feel so underwhelmed is because the job has become mundane. Like some many other things in life, jobs become tedious. I remember when I first started in my current role, I was filled with excitment, and wanted to take on the world. I was literally ready to solve the problems of the entire organization. Then I "grew up". I realized that my role was not to change the organization, or even the building that I work in, my role is simply to do the best job that I can do.
I advocate for people who do not have a voice of their own, I fight battles for people who cannot stand on their own feet, and I act as a calming presence in the lives of a few people. This seems awesome and like anyone would want to do something like this. To help people and get paid for it, that's cool. This like most people's jobs becomes trudgery. My peers and I go to work, we do paperwork, we make phone calls, we go to meetings, we fill out reports, etc. It is all the same really. I think everyone feels this way about what they do.
People get discouraged or they fall into a set pattern. Their routine has no variety and pretty soon, life has become mundane. People ask what is interesting about life and the answer is, "nothing." Yet if I were to talk to anyone other than myself, I would think that their life is amazing. They could be a cheese maker and I would be riveted to my seat when they told me how to make mozzerella or cheddar. However, to the cheese maker that's mundane.
I say this. Life is what you make of it. My life is not mundane because it is routine or lacks variety. My life is mundane because I view it as such. Perhaps instead of wondering if there is something better out there, maybe I should wonder how I can make things better right here. What I am really saying is that I could either let life pass me by and call it mundane or I could take life out for a spin and see how far I can go.
I have had a particularly difficult month this August. It seems that most of the people on my caseload have had some kind of serious problem that despite my musings that I can somehow prevent them, I cannot. I had trained and retrained staff, done a myriad of assessment, made countless phone calls, and have had what seems like an infinate amount of decision to make. All of this and I still have to admit that I am very underwhelmed.
I'm not even sure why I feel this way. I thought perhaps it is because I have mastered my current role and need a newer fresher challenge, but that is not it because each day I face something new. I even blamed some of the other staff a little, thinking that they lacked enthusiasm for their jobs and it rubbed of on me and made me apathetic.
I think the real reason I feel so underwhelmed is because the job has become mundane. Like some many other things in life, jobs become tedious. I remember when I first started in my current role, I was filled with excitment, and wanted to take on the world. I was literally ready to solve the problems of the entire organization. Then I "grew up". I realized that my role was not to change the organization, or even the building that I work in, my role is simply to do the best job that I can do.
I advocate for people who do not have a voice of their own, I fight battles for people who cannot stand on their own feet, and I act as a calming presence in the lives of a few people. This seems awesome and like anyone would want to do something like this. To help people and get paid for it, that's cool. This like most people's jobs becomes trudgery. My peers and I go to work, we do paperwork, we make phone calls, we go to meetings, we fill out reports, etc. It is all the same really. I think everyone feels this way about what they do.
People get discouraged or they fall into a set pattern. Their routine has no variety and pretty soon, life has become mundane. People ask what is interesting about life and the answer is, "nothing." Yet if I were to talk to anyone other than myself, I would think that their life is amazing. They could be a cheese maker and I would be riveted to my seat when they told me how to make mozzerella or cheddar. However, to the cheese maker that's mundane.
I say this. Life is what you make of it. My life is not mundane because it is routine or lacks variety. My life is mundane because I view it as such. Perhaps instead of wondering if there is something better out there, maybe I should wonder how I can make things better right here. What I am really saying is that I could either let life pass me by and call it mundane or I could take life out for a spin and see how far I can go.
Monday, August 23, 2010
compartments
Here is a little known fact about guys for everyone, we can think about nothing. Well maybe that fact is better known than I would really like to believe, but seriously. Men can actually think about nothing. It is very simple really; all that it requires is the ability to stare blankly at an object. This is probably not as much of a life changing revelation as it is a statement that is probably making you yell the word "duh" at the screen right now. The amazing thing is not the fact that men, myself included can literally think about nothing as is the reason why we can think about nothing.
Men compartmentalize their lives. Not all men, but most of them do. We go about our lives with our own little compartments. We have one for home, one for work, one for driving, one for sports, one for nothing, you get the picture. Their compartments all fit together in the jigsaw puzzle that men like to refer to as their lives. Each compartment has its own unique place that creates the entire image of a man. If a puzzle is missing one piece the image just doesn't seem quite as pristine as it should be. It is flawed, incomplete, and worthless. The same rule applies to a man, if someone does not know about all the compartments, the image of the man is distorted, because you do not see the whole man, the true man.
The crux of the matter is this; even the man himself can have a distorted view of his own life. Not because he is unaware of all of his compartments, but because he is unaware of how those compartments or pieces fit together to form the image. Many men think that no one area of life affects the other areas. However, as with a puzzle each piece affects those other pieces around it, thereby wreaking havoc with the entire image. If a man's life becomes to affected by one pieces that is out of alignment, the entire picture crumbles into ruins. I have seen this happen to one good man after another. It can happen to anyone. I have been down the road. I have chosen to ignore certain fundamental areas of my life in favor of other ones. I was unaware that by doing so, the entire image I had of myself was being twisted into an unfamiliar shadow of something that resembled who I am. My life was marred by this disparity for a long time. Until finally with one swift blow that seemed to make the very foundations of the earth quake my life my concept of who I am was shattered into a million tiny little pieces.
Here I am kneeling on the floor; picking up the pieces of what I thought was my life. I have no roadmap, no picture that I can view to see how to put them together. I simply have my friends and family. I have been launched on a path that many men have traveled before. This is the path to enlightenment, the path to discovery, the path to oneself. As I travel this path, I will share more of my story, I will learn more about myself than ever before, and I will share my experiences with you. Maybe one day I will see the image of myself fully, complete and without distortion, but for now I will be Putting Life Together.
Men compartmentalize their lives. Not all men, but most of them do. We go about our lives with our own little compartments. We have one for home, one for work, one for driving, one for sports, one for nothing, you get the picture. Their compartments all fit together in the jigsaw puzzle that men like to refer to as their lives. Each compartment has its own unique place that creates the entire image of a man. If a puzzle is missing one piece the image just doesn't seem quite as pristine as it should be. It is flawed, incomplete, and worthless. The same rule applies to a man, if someone does not know about all the compartments, the image of the man is distorted, because you do not see the whole man, the true man.
The crux of the matter is this; even the man himself can have a distorted view of his own life. Not because he is unaware of all of his compartments, but because he is unaware of how those compartments or pieces fit together to form the image. Many men think that no one area of life affects the other areas. However, as with a puzzle each piece affects those other pieces around it, thereby wreaking havoc with the entire image. If a man's life becomes to affected by one pieces that is out of alignment, the entire picture crumbles into ruins. I have seen this happen to one good man after another. It can happen to anyone. I have been down the road. I have chosen to ignore certain fundamental areas of my life in favor of other ones. I was unaware that by doing so, the entire image I had of myself was being twisted into an unfamiliar shadow of something that resembled who I am. My life was marred by this disparity for a long time. Until finally with one swift blow that seemed to make the very foundations of the earth quake my life my concept of who I am was shattered into a million tiny little pieces.
Here I am kneeling on the floor; picking up the pieces of what I thought was my life. I have no roadmap, no picture that I can view to see how to put them together. I simply have my friends and family. I have been launched on a path that many men have traveled before. This is the path to enlightenment, the path to discovery, the path to oneself. As I travel this path, I will share more of my story, I will learn more about myself than ever before, and I will share my experiences with you. Maybe one day I will see the image of myself fully, complete and without distortion, but for now I will be Putting Life Together.
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